There are so many messages out there that appeal to our humanity- the feel good messages with a false sense of truth. Things that sound good, but are contrary to the word. My biggest hope is that I continue to learn to see the messages through a lens of truth and from a perspective of the gospel.
I see where we can easily slip into this space where we refuse to acknowledge our desperate need for Christ and his grace to get through the hard days, and we begin to take on the belief that we can do things not only in our own strength, but that our strength is somehow good enough to not need Christ. When we're full of ourselves and our own intention- we leave very little room for God.
I've reached this spot in life as of recent. I don't quite know what to make of it, but I do know that it is Jesus calling me to quiet myself and step away from these messages constantly in my surroundings. Specifically in this pursuit to grow a business. There are so many good things about having a business, a creative outlet and a place to grow outside of being a mother and a wife. But I'm finding myself toeing the line a lot of pushing too hard, trying to do it on my own strength and seeing my marriage and parenting suffering because of it. Some women do this entrepreneurial life so well, and I applaud them and fan girl a bit over the idea of being able to find that balance.
But in the spirit of transparency, I don't necessarily believe there is a logical balance between it all. Something will usually take the back burner and suffer. And that can look drastically different season to season. I know that some people thrive in the hustle. and I'm not here to speak negatively over that. but I do want to have this conversation: that maybe the hustle mentality doesn't always serve us well. It can often leave us tired, over-extended, & worn out. And friends, it's just never worth working yourself to the point of a mental breakdown.
Because I firmly believe in my heart that Jesus wouldn't ask us to hustle to lose ourselves.
When God first started laying this on my heart it was hard for me to understand. But as I've prayed a lot over it, he is teaching me so much. In these moments where I feel like things don't make sense, I have to stop and evaluate- am I pursuing hope and a life lived in light of the gospel- one that reflects Christ, or am I pursuing a glorified life I've curated around my own works.
I've prayed A LOT about this, friends, and it is just so clear in my heart that this is what God is calling me to do. To step back from everything and focus in on my little family, our life and what we want to build together. At the end of the day- I don't want to build my business so much that I forget to build our life. I can't sustain meaningful, intentional parenthood when I am pouring my heart and energy and intentions out elsewhere. I can't show up for my kids if I'm always showing up for other people and prioritizing their needs over the needs of my littles. I've been entrusted to joyfully tend to these little hearts, not communicate they are a burden to me, and my timetable. I want to have time to live a beautiful life centered around Jesus, our family, and the rest only He provides.
I don't want to be the person to step away from things that could be really good. But I also believe that it's okay to change your mind. Change comes naturally with growth and maturity and being consistently in the presence of the Holy Spirit. It's more than okay to change your mind-especially when you're in a season where something is no longer serving you or your family well. I also believe we can unapologetically decide what is most important without worrying about the offense of others.
The most important thing I can rest in is the assurance that I was faithful to the call of motherhood-that it was my number one priority to be surrendered to the beautiful story God has given me in this ability to cultivate little hearts & lives around the gospel.
I honestly don't know that my 'success' as a mother could ever be measured in the here & now. It's a slow, patient investment. Someday, years down the road I think I'll see it. And I just don't want to arrive there, and see only what I did with my business and my time. I want to see the time and energy I was given being poured into my kids with the most joyful heart. Into their learning, their dreams and their plans.
This shift has been slow, and it's also been coming rapidly. We will be welcoming another child into the world this fall, and starting a new chapter of life in our first purchased home. And God is clearly, undeniably calling me to a place of rest and quiet. And my heart is full of peace at the idea of chasing the slow and the quiet-resting in Him.
But it's a struggle for me because rest is counter-cultural. It goes against every fiber of our human nature sometimes and the lifestyle we're accustomed to. But rest isn't failure, friends it's literally the opposite. True rest in Jesus produces spiritual intimacy.
& that's where I want to stay.
I still have dreams and plans. I will forever be a creative person, and I'm so thankful God has created me this way. Maybe I'll write a book someday. Or maybe I'll just stay with this humble little space and reach a small number of hearts, and that is more than okay. But my heart knows that this is what I'm being called to do. To fully abide in Jesus, not use his name to hustle for my own glory. To pour into my little ones as we dive into homeschooling fully and love a carefully curated life of quiet.
My heart in sharing is that this will resonate with someone struggling to find the courage to step away from trying to do it all. To see the chaos and the spill-over of doing it all with the most and best. God calls us to be good stewards of what has been given to us, and I believe that is true for a beautiful motherhood. Redemption, revival and purpose spill out in the normalcy of motherhood. Because there’s truly nothing normal about it.